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04 February 2009 @ 10:42 pm
I will not forget how difficult it is being a Christian in today's world.

On the rare occasions where I have a serious conversation with someone, the talk is always shrouded with a glint of sorrow, or pessimism. Life is a pain for so many people: one faces her parent's objections to being a Christian; another has lost faith in sincerity, everything has become selfish to him - he suspects everyone's motives beneath a veneer of social extroversion; and yet another struggles to stand again after a broken relationship. Life is pain. That is an understatement.

Suddenly after the being told that the newsletter will not receive funding anymore from next semester onwards, I start to see all around me all these people. All these people who perhaps I have overlooked for too long in simply trying to exist by a function.

Talking to Alan over dinner, after training on Tuesday, throws up the usual subjects: we talk about running, the hopeful Thai marathon which we might get sponsored for it we are good enough & we bitch about school & grades. But when the talk turns to people we know, we always brush by many different people. There are people I worry about, and we try to tell each other with a kind of social rationalizing that they will be ok as time goes by. The answer to someone's personal problems? It's always time off from training, a nice talk, or blatant escapism like a dinner treat.

And then, inevitably, we always talk about ourselves. Alan's thoughts & my struggles with living like I should. Even though he isn't a Christian, he listens. Even though I disagree with him on at least 3 points, I listen. And we just take turns to talk & listen, till we consent that - damn - it's time to go home, because there's school tomorrow.

I suppose I am still learning. Life is pain. And as a 2nd generation Christian kid I watch from the sidelines: I don't deny it, because their pain affects me too.

One very cynical friend once told me that prayer can't feed the hungry. But in a world where we are all bloated with our own excesses, maybe prayer is what we need.