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08 April 2009 @ 12:39 am
"I thank God that I can run."

Returned to normal training today. It's the best time to push yourself, considering that the team is not doing intervals, but "games": a very attractive euphemism invented Mr Quek which should otherwise mean "running against each other in distance, speed & timing".

Surprised myself today with both strides & speed. Since getting injured I've been very afraid to stride, or to lengthen my paces & move ahead, but teaming up with Ke Wen and running against the rest of the team, I felt that I needed to try pushing to the maximum. The old pain had gone away, so why not burn myself out? I had a good 4 rounds challenging Azrul neck-to-neck, & every time we ran past Mr Quek he would shout at me "make Azrul work harder" & then 5 seconds later he would tell Azrul, "make Yap work harder also!"

But something Roy said to be after the run helped me think. He said I don't run to pace people (like we always do), but I tend to run to win. It probably sounds good, but I think he was implying a kind of selfishness which comes of competing & showing off in training. Specifically, I believe it was a reference to my not-so sporting tactic of saving my energy for the last interval (where I can hit easily at 70 secs for a 400). And yes, after he talked to me, I did realise that perhaps I've been guilty of extreme showboating, some understatement & a selfish tendency to forget my teammates.

Probably now I'll be heeding Ke Wen & Roy's advice to regulate my speed, & put in the effort to be consistent, instead of always showing off at the last few rounds. Also, difficult as it is, I need to watch what I say - I don't want to be known as someone who says something & ends up doing the exact opposite for his own personal ambition.

And sitting on the floor, I realise now that after today I've got cuts on both feet: on my thighs, where my shoes graze the skin when I go too fast.

Also, it is always a challenge to be a Christian in an environment that glorifies personal ability over God-given skill. Saying "I thank God that I'm recovering" brings enough scrutiny & disbelief. I've been laughed at for attributing glory to God. What's the meaning in that, they say?

But, well, the meaning is that I know that if it weren't for my Heavenly Father, I wouldn't be up & running. Or writing. Or studying. Or working with youth. It's not hard to grasp. I pray they will.